From Hell to the Moon
by Parabola Beam
Summary: And everywhere in between, there is something important that can't be broken. [Toukomaru][Syomaru][Rating may change.]
1. Chapter 1

I was always watching Komaru from the back.

I'd learned to read the feelings written there, between her shoulders, as they gradually straightened from a meek, cowering bystander into something more.

Watching from the back had been a comfort, until I'd seen her from the front as if for the first time, standing on that truck and baring the hope that was in her heart to people who were suffering, sick with despair.

She'd touched their hearts, but for it, the adults had bound her hands, had perverted the justice and encouragement she'd tried so hard to impart.

 _Let go of her. Don't drag Komaru into despair. Don't use her words so purely spoken to excuse the damage your war will reap from her conscience. You're all disgusting, worse than the lowest and most vulgar of them all. Don't. Don't you dare hurt her, or I'll hurt you worse._

Komaru kept fighting, and I kept following. I watched her legs straighten, no longer shaking like a newborn fawn's, a current of lightning in motion tracing up from her stance all the way into her shoulders, square and defiant.

For the first time, I find myself fearing light that I find in her eyes, because she's done everything to ignite it, to nurture it.

It's a light that's warmed me as well.

If despair crowds around it, Komaru will feel it to her core.

She has no idea how vulnerable she is, and the feeling that she'll be shown, that she'll be hurt-is inexorable and suffocating. The worry lingers unread upon my back as we approach the end.

Imagining the worst case scenario is no comparison to watching it unfold before my eyes.

Komaru holds the controller. Monaca gloats, Kotoko screams, I push. She won't break it. Monaca gloats, Kotoko screams, Haiji threatens, I watch. My fingernails are disgusting, chewed clean off, but Komaru won't break it, and a mob of idiots are heaping their broken dreams upon her back, upon Komaru's back, and she's crying, _they're hurting her they're all hurting her they're hurting my Komaru_ -

Monaca shows her, and Komaru's light vanishes. Hope was excised from her throat in an instant as, brittle and broken, she apologizes.

 _It's impossible._

She believes those horrible words again.

What she'd gathered of a crumbling world to find the most meager of footholds on, suffering heartache every step of the way, had been pounded to powder right before her eyes. In the corner of my eye I see Monaca smile, I know she used Komaru-

 _-groomed her, toyed with her, lead her by the nose the whole way. Built her up, let me build her up, made me take part in molding her for this moment-she used me too, the jagged parts of me to carve an idol, an angel with waxen wings in the middle of hell; she used our friendship-_

 _-my love for Komaru._

She raises her arms high and my words can't reach her.

My words were the only part of me that were worth anything, until now, until her.

 _It's normal for a friend to help a friend._

We're but a few steps apart and yet Monaca's evil has put her a thousand leagues away. She's in that hell all alone now. The light around her is gone, leaving only darkness, but I know there's nowhere I'd rather be in this moment than at her side.

Deep in my heart, from the light Komaru left me, I hear it. I hear her crying out to me for help.

 _Don't let me. Don't let me do it, Touko._

My legs are free. They take me there, to her.

 _I won't let you. I won't let you. Just come back to me._

She's still so far away, but I got it. I have it.

Her life, in my ( _wretched, ugly_ ) hands. I'll hold on as long as I have to.

I endure the pain. Endure, endure. Thank god. Thank _god_ he's hitting me. Pain like this is transient and temporary compared to a life where Komaru lives in despair.

The word friend comes out of my mouth so easily when it's about her. The ceiling collapses, but I can take Komaru from here. Her hand feels cold inside of mine, but I can feel her holding on.

My hand stings as I clap it across her cheek.

A small price to pay for reigniting the light in her eyes.

Why, with her, do I find myself just...doing things, without question?

 _I don't know what to call it._

 _I'm lying._

 _I know exactly what I think of Komaru, but-_

She does the same for me, and I can't hide from it.

She's here with me. Suffering with the same stinging hands, our hands that have protected each other.

 _"My hand hurts...But that's not the only thing that hurts."_

Mine don't shake when they pull her close.

 _"We're the same. If you can't do something on your own...all I have to do is help you. If I can't do something on my own...all you have to do is help me. Helping each other...that's the advantage of working together, right?"_

Komaru is _warm_. She's getting warmer and I can feel her breathing lightly against my throat. A ragged sigh tears through my chest, and my glasses start to fog. My fingers grasp the back of her shirt a little tighter.

It doesn't make sense.

Or rather...it shouldn't.

But looking at her...

Well. I'd said it myself.

We're the same.

I see feelings reflected in her eyes, that have been there maybe longer than I could've...understood.

 _"We can't be distracted by the stuff that doesn't make sense. Focus on what's happening now. What do you want to do right now? Have you decided...?"_

 _"...Yeah. I have."_

She echoes my words back to me.

 _"I want to protect both."_

Komaru bites her lip like she's thinking deeply. It's just a moment.

It's just another moment when her hands ease under my bent elbows, unsure, at first, then tighter.

It's just another moment when she clutches the fabric in her hands, another when I hear my name, pressed reverently into my own mouth.

I can't move at all. I can't fathom what is happening.

Every time that she spoke my name...

...it had come from so soft a place?

That my name could pass through somewhere so-

-so _perfect_ -

I feel warmth in my eyes. It escapes down one cheek, then the other. My mouth is shaking and my chin feels numb. I can't believe it. I can't believe it at all, but-

-I want to remember this forever. I want to remember Komaru forever.

I don't know when my fingers had decided to clench themselves into her sleeves, but they drop and slip perfectly between hers as she eases back, not meeting my eyes.

 _"H-H-Holy...shit, Komaru-"_

 _"...And...that. I wanted...to do that. Right now...and maybe for-for a long, long time already, Touko-I-"_

 _"H-Hold on. Not yet. N-Not yet, Komaru."_ She swallows. _"Hmph. Greedy girl,"_ I add, _"now's...not the time. After all-"_

We face the edge of the world together.

 _"-we've got a job to do."_

Despair approaches, but we're ready for it.


	2. Chapter 2

In the end, I didn't have the courage to talk about it again.

Fighting despair, hand in hand, actual _fighting_ , fine. I'd managed because Touko had been right there with me.

The thought of asking her if I could tell her everything I'd meant to? Reminding her what I'd done? Totally different story.

That being said, I'm one thousand percent sure neither of us have forgotten. It's strange, but I feel like that memory, of just the two of us-I think I can feel it filling the space in every silence. I can feel that memory filling every part of my body when I look at her, when I catch myself staring at her mouth when she scolds me for zoning out. I just see us on that balcony again. Her lips are chapped and rough, and though I only kissed her once I can remember every crease, the parts that tasted slightly more of copper.

I want to tell her. I want to tell her so badly.

I can't even sleep right. I'm pretty sure tonight is the first where Touko has fallen asleep before me. I lay restless beside her and wish for things that I shouldn't. I'm too scared to even think them explicitly, because I know they are thoughts that would hurt Touko, and the person she truly cares most for.

I think about winding my fingers with hers. I imagine touching the inside of her wrist lightly enough to feel her veins.

But just being together with her like this means everything. I've overcome so many fears by being with her, but the fear of being without her immobilizes me. Would things change if I told her all I was going to say? Or any of the other stuff that makes my chest squeeze up?

 _I want to kiss you again, Touko. I don't want our adventure, our time together to ever end. I don't want to wait until another moment that we're suffering to feel so close to you again. I just want to tell you everything, like I promised you I would, and I can't even work up the nerve-_

I had believed Touko when she said she wanted to hear it. But once again, the trouble came with believing in myself.

"Touko-" I turn abruptly in the bed we're sharing, getting shy and losing confidence at the last second and mumbling my question into her shoulder, '-are you awake?"

She's facing away from me; this might not be so hard after all. She groans and shifts her legs, and in the glow of the dusk filtering through the half-raised blinds gummed with months' worth of dust and grime, I can see her skirt's slit splayed open around her thigh. Touko swallows hard and I feel her shoulder scrunching up against my mouth, and for a moment, I wonder what would happen if I squeezed her around the waist and parted my lips against the pulse in her throat.

As soon as the thought crosses my mind, I get a feeling like something hot is melting suddenly in my stomach. My heart is pounding fast at the thought of it, of feeling Touko's heartbeat against my lips, and I realize that with my chest pushed so close against her back, she can probably feel mine.

She's holding so still that I can't tell whether she's asleep or awake and just not answering me.

"Hey...Tou-" Absently, I put my hand on her shoulder as I try again, stopping short as soon as I touch her. She just...feels so fragile for a moment, and my breath catches.

"No, Komaru..." Touko mumbles, inhaling sharply.

"A-Ah-I'm sorry, I know it's late and you must be tired, I'll ask you later-"

"N-No-don't-" Her voice creaks and I realize she's still asleep.

She must be having a dream, so...

...Is it a dream about me?

Her breathing sounds heavy and rough, and it worries me. A gasp passes through her parted lips and her body trembles. Without hesitation, I shake her shoulder, and she rolls around toward me, her face contorted in agony.

"N-N-Not Komaru- _not Ko...maru_ -!" An awful noise escapes her lips; she's grinding her teeth. Around her eyes is all swollen and red and puffy and listening to her cry out is breaking my heart-

I have to wake her up.

"T-Touko-Touko, I'm here-"

Even as her expression is stricken and pained to such an extreme, I can't keep from noticing how beautiful she is; her cheek bones are sleek and high, and the beauty mark right at the edge of her jaw traps my gaze irresistibly between her lips and her pale throat.

She lunges into me and hugs me tightly around the small of my back, knocking the wind from my lungs. She's breathing like she's been running her entire life, and I do the only thing I can think to do, and cross my arms behind her shoulders, drawing her in tightly. It ends with my legs tangled with hers, my back arched in from the pressure, and her chest shuddering to a steady, slower rise and fall against my stomach, hot, humid breath trapped in the soft cotton over the chest of my uniform with her every exhale.

Finally, after what feels like forever, she is still.

Before I can venture once more to ask whether or not she's awake, Touko makes a short, muffled sound into me.

"Touko...?"

She does it again, except for longer, and louder, and her shoulders shake, before-

Her head snaps back with a screeching cackle, her tongue lolling wildly out of her mouth.

"Mmm, Dekomaru...where do you get off holding me so _tightly_ , huh? I didn't take you as the type with a suffocation fetish! Kyahehehehe!"

"Wh-Wha-?!" My mouth dropped open in shock; what had happened? As far as I knew, only sneezing or the stun gun were capable of bringing Syo out of Touko, and certainly neither had been invoked. "H-How did you change-? W-Wahh-!"

Syo had bolted upright and began jumping on the bed, clutching her skirts and shrieking with delight as she twirled precariously. When she was like this she always seemed like she was off-balance to some degree, and her energy was intoxicating. It was fascinating how effortlessly she could move, how she dripped confidence with each unconscious sway of her hips.

"What's it matter?...Aren't you happy to see me? _Mmm_ , Miss Morose is going to be _soo-oo-oo_ jealous that I got to be held so _close_ -" Syo clasped her hands over her cheeks dramatically, swaying and wiggling and swishing her skirt, "-to beloved Dekomaru's pounding, forceful heartbeat! What an unbelievably, unabashed, unparalleled assault of the senses! Kyahehehe!"

My jaw went slack as I turned over what she'd just said in my head, heard it once more to myself.

 _Beloved?_

Her heels came down hard enough on the bed to spring me flailing into the air, and she caught me around the waist and clutched my sagging form upright against her.

"Yoo-hoo! Dekomaru! I asked you a question! Jee-eez, so spacey... _Haahhh_..." Syo sighs impatiently, and I blurt out-

"O-Of course I'm happy! I was just surprised-like I said, I don't understand how it happened-!"

"Who knows? Maybe all this _skinship_ is creating sparks of its own...! All this heat coming off your face..." She dipped her chin forward slowly, locking eyes with mine, "...your blood's hot enough to cook a four-course meal with! You're steeping my heart in your virgin aura, and when I think of what you did to Miss Morose, I can't help but want a taste!"

I felt like the air had been sucked from my lungs. "Wh-What I...did...?" In my heart of hearts, I already know what she means. Her grin broadens and her fingers twist and contort in the back of my shirt like she's trying to spread them over as wide an area as possible as she holds me, and I feel goosebumps raising on my skin. My hands are on her shoulders again, and by all means, they should be the same shoulders as before, laying beside her as she cried out for me-but now I'm the one who feels fragile, like she could knock me away with a feather.

"Why, you stole something of course! The promised _first kiss_ , meant for Master's lips-gone forever, without a trace! It's downright unfair...it's completely unexpected! I never expected a girl like you to move us in such a way...! Even now, looking at those lost, desperate eyes, I can see straight down to your heart, where Miss Morose is too scaredy-cat to look!"

She's seeing right through me. I dip my head and hide my expression, so she doesn't see how Byakuya's mention affects me. I'd been trying so hard to avoid thinking about it that being faced with it now nearly undoes me on the spot.

But...

She'd also said I'd moved her. That Touko was afraid of what was in my heart.

"B-But why?" I find my voice suddenly, shaky though it is, "Why would she be afraid of-of something like that?"

Like she's far away, I hear her speaking.

"Because you've changed us."

Her expression is completely serious.

"...What do you m-?"

"You know what you want, and so does she...and so do I. But if you can't breathe a word of it to her...or even to _me_ -" She tilts my chin upwards, and a sense of anticipation hangs between us, "-then I will need to have my _precious thing_ returned to me-just so that I may decide what to do with it!"

I clap my hands over my mouth, shaking and tearful. I hate myself for being so selfish, but I'm not ready yet, I don't want to...to give it up, even if it's as Syo is saying.

I'm afraid of how final it will be.

Syo lets a delighted sound rupture through her, laughter on the verge of becoming a full on fit, and her long fingers close around my wrists, starting to wrestle my hands away. The struggle makes us wobble precariously, and I squeak with surprise as I'm forced to a kneel, and then onto my back on the mattress. I know Syo isn't nearly using her full strength, that she could topple me and trip me in an instant, so the fact that she's being... _gentle_ makes me feel a little relieved, like I haven't completely lost from the get go.

I don't know what anything means. I don't know if it's safe to hope for something like what I want, like knowing I can tell her my feelings and that she'd return them. I'm so stupid, because I did what I did and said what I said, knowing how she felt about Byakuya-

-or at least, thinking I knew-

Syo hissed impatiently, fanning her fingers brazenly over the outside of my thigh, cupping the space behind my knee and sliding me closer, completely unaffected by how deep my blush was running. Without further hesitation, she swung her leg over me and seated herself on top, knees open around my hips. Her fingers seemed to linger over my leg distractedly, like she was looking for something that wasn't there, and I felt unbearably powerless to resist how much I felt for her.

"You're soft, Dekomaru..." Her voice is quiet, and her hand traces from my thigh to the slit in her torn skirt, fingers spreading to expose the marks patterning her upper thigh. "See...? Nothing like me."

 _No. That wasn't true_.

"Y-You know...Byakuya might get the wrong idea if he saw us like this."

I hear my voice shaking under my hands with the effort not to cry, and I know instantly that she's heard it. I don't fight back as her fingers thread through mine and hold my hands down. I wince expectantly, but she doesn't move to close the distance.

"Are you suggesting that I'd let him see something so personal...? Kyahehehe! Well _too bad_! Even if he's into girl-on-girl action, _I don't share!_ " She erupts into side-splitting laughter again and I speak up desperately as she leans closer.

"W-Wait!"

"Time's up, Dekomaru! I need my precious thing back right away!"

I resign myself to the fact that this is just...going to happen.

I'm not going to be able to protect the kiss I gave her.

The realization sinks in my chest like a stone sinking into the ocean, getting carried further and further away.

Everything that it meant is...going to be taken away and given to someone else. My heart pounds furiously.

 _But if you can't breathe a word of it to her...or even to me-_

"S-STOP!"

I can't let it happen. I have to tell her why. She has to know.

"I-I can't give it back! I won't!"

"Orororo?! What the hell-?"

"I mean it!" I raise my voice, my eyes burning, "What I did, was just-it was just from me to you! It's not for _anyone_ else! So, you can't...you just can't...!" I paw away my tears on my knuckles, trembling with a fear that I can safely say exceeds that of any I've felt since our journey began.

"It was for her."

"You're wrong! It was for you, too! Both of you are...are precious to me!"

Silence chokes the room again. It's another one of those silences where I feel that moment from before filling the space again. Her hands clasp mine tighter, and she hangs over me, motionless. Through her hair, I can't see her expression.

"It's not...it's not for you to take if you're going to give it away. Not for Byakuya, not for anyone." I sob miserably. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Touko I-"

"I understand, Dekomaru. I understand you, and her. Her hesitation, and her fear. You're new for her, but she'd never do anything to risk losing you. She can't admit anything just yet because she's safe so long as she doesn't. Her love is a fragile, scary, and...at times, overpowering force. She's afraid of exposing you fully."

I listen, dumbstruck. She's only talked like this once before, and back then, she'd had a blade pointed to my throat.

Nothing's changed. The blade this time bears the name of love.

In retrospect, it did back then, too.

Syo's thumb slides hard over my cheek as another tear rolls down.

"You make her vulnerable again. She _feels_ when she looks at you. Our every emotion, feeling, and impulse...they're all speaking as one, saying that they want nothing more or less than to protect you. That's why-"

Her expression is impossible to describe.

"-the sight of your blood, even only in a dream, is enough to awaken me."

Everything locks into place at once, and my heart aches for her.

"...Let me take it."

"H-Huh...?"

"...It's mine, isn't it?" She lets go of my hands and slides one of hers against my cheek, the other's fingertips under my chin, her thumb smoothing over my bottom lip and pulling it open-

My mouth feels wet and my throat is tight and my chest hurts so good and her weight on me feels right-

"Yeah-" I breathe out, barely, "-If...this isn't wrong, then..." I reach out for her shoulders, wrap my arms around them again, "...I am."

Syo nearly goes into a fit of giggles once more, but manages to squelch the urge.

"So what if the sun sets on the wrong side? The day still ends. And when it rises on the opposite side...it's a miracle anyway." She sounds far more cheerful, and I'm relieved enough to really smile this time. I know what she means.

Just because her feelings of love changed over time, it didn't make her any less of someone who could love. She's trying her hardest to understand.

"If it means my shadow will be cast upon you, Dekomaru, I'd rather be wrong with you than right with anyone else."

The weight in my chest seems to explode when she lays slack against me, her mouth full against mine, teeth edging playfully at the corner of my smile. Our legs are tangled up together and I don't ever want to let go. She's so enthusiastic I can hardly breathe but I can't help but kiss her back-

"Hhwah...haah...tchoo!"

"A-Ah-"

"...What the hell?! K-Komaru-! What just happened?!"

"Y-You don't know?!"

Touko looks into my eyes, at the reddened state of my lips, at our-

 _-position-_

"...What did she do to you?! That impulsive, i-impossible woman-!"

"N-Nothing! She didn't do anything bad to me!"

"Wh-What did she tell you?" Her tone is dripping with accusation, and her hands are trembling as she covers her face. "...Th-That...that bitch! Komaru, you can't let her push you around, okay-?" Her words are harsh, but I can see the pink in her cheeks, "-If she ever tries to kiss you again, just...kn-knock her lights out on the headboard, I swear-!"

A beat.

"How...did you know she tried to kiss me?"

Touko bristles up like a hedgehog hiding for shelter.

"How can I h-help it when she's...such a noisy woman?! I-I was worried! Do you know what it's like waking up over you when y-you're all...debauched?! Seriously...j-just, do me a favor and crack her skull against the floor next chance you get!"

"T-Touko!...That's mean. And just...don't worry, okay?" I felt a yawn escaping me. After all that, I did feel pretty tired. Touko grumbled, but she let me pull her into bed and smush myself into her arms. They were rigid for a moment before she settled them carefully around my back.

"I-I still expect an explanation in the morning-"

"Yeah." I smile as I close my eyes, "I'll tell you everything tomorrow."

 _This time._


	3. Chapter 3

I know something happened.

The fact that Komaru is still sound asleep like a baby and I'm actually up before her says enough.

I'm not completely ignorant-little flashes of the night before, of memories I shouldn't have-I can feel them, where certain things pressed close enough to one heart to touch the other, bridging the two.

 _The heavy beating of Komaru's heart wakes me from a nightmare._

 _Komaru's body struggles underneath, her skirt hikes, lips part with shock. Her eyes plead._

 _The warmth of her bare thigh beneath my hand, the lingering sensation of moisture on my lips that's not mine._

They're all pieces of an infuriating puzzle, a partial picture of the previous night that implies something happened between us that would not have come to pass if only I'd had control.

The fact that I changed at all-that Syo awoke in me-felt completely unfair: I'd gone from that horrible dream, from seeing Komaru murdered in the name of despair, to-

...Beneath me. Breathless, but very, very much alive. Eyes hooded and pupils blown, beautiful in that damning, clumsy way of hers-I could curse her name for having affected me so much with the sight of her that she'd let me see with my own two eyes-

Shit. Fuck. God _damn_.

Why does she have to be so-

-so _fucking_ warm? Her mouth is close to mine, having tilted towards me in her sleep, and just looking at her serene expression makes my chest feel strange inside.

She's...

...going to tell me something, right?

That's what she said, and I...do believe her.

She's going to tell me what I think she is, right? Why do I feel so afraid then?

Is it because I'd have to react in a way that will betray Master Byakuya?

I try to imagine saying to Komaru that _I can't return her feelings_ , and my stomach twists with nausea. It just feels wrong.

 _Fukawa, you idiot,_ a voice inside me scolds, _what if what she wants to say isn't even remotely along the lines of what you're thinking?_

...

...

...Like hell. It's almost certainly exactly that. What else would be so urgent she'd feel the need to tell me right after kissing me-?

 _"...And...that. I wanted...to do that. Right now...and maybe for-for a long, long time already, Touko-I-"_

I start connecting dots in my head, thinking back to times when I'd found Komaru's actions and words to be irrational in the moment, now trying to glean new meaning from them within the context of what she'd told me after kissing me.

In the subway, after we made up-

I'd insisted that Master Byakuya was still my number one. I'd asked whether or not that was okay with her, and-

I nearly groaned aloud. Looking back, saying what I'd said-

It almost made it sound like I felt like I was in a relationship with her, too.

 _"Friends are more like..._

 _...Never mind. I dunno._

 _Well, I don't think you have to really define it right now...Just act like you normally do."_

Had she been hesitant to define it because the future she wanted for us was more than what she'd have had to describe?

How shrewd, to keep me in the dark, so I'd eventually come to the conclusion of how I felt for her all on my own!

...Pointedly ignoring the fact that my justification is ringing hollow even to me, I rack my brain for more examples. But the more I think about it, the more it feels like, while Komaru has changed over time, I get the feeling that the heart of everything she's shared with me is alike in genuinity.

I don't think she's lied to me once. She's changed and grown, but I don't think she's ever said something to me that she didn't believe in with all of her heart.

...Who am I, next to her?

I've been deceptive at the very least, manipulative at worst. She's simple, and forthright...

I can't even be honest with myself.

But...

That's why I've been able to count on her so far, isn't it? Because I trust her to see through me, don't I.

I've relied on her.

When we met, she'd begged for help, for the permission to rely on me, but I've done it with her just as much.

At least just as much.

Just when I'm thinking how fortunate it is that she's still asleep and unable to see the way I'm looking at her, I hear the Togami corporation's laptop that we travel with, blaring to life and ringing on the desk across the room.

Just my luck.

 _Okay! Time to compartmentalize this entire fucking morning and just agree with myself that I'm gonna deal with all the weird-ass, hippy-dippy feelings bullshit later and just fly by the seat of my pants if and when Komaru gets her shit together and tells me her godforsaken secret._

I detach myself from Komaru reluctantly and try to cross the room fast enough to keep the laptop from making anymore noise.

Too fast. I smash my shin on the edge of the desk and swear loudly, hissing as I answer the call.

"Fukawa, speaking. This better be good."

The static onscreen clears, and the face of Komaru's brother appears on the video feed.

"Oh, good-it's you. Listen, Touko-is Komaru with you right now?"

...Unlike him, to cut right to the chase like this.

"Er...yeah? Of course she is. Where else would she be-?"

"Is she in the room with you though?"

"...She's asleep. Makoto, what's going on? You're acting all weird-"

"I know, sorry. There's something I need to tell you."

 _To tell me? As in, he's not going to tell Komaru? He's acting like he doesn't even want her to know. Wait..._

"I-If this is an admission of love I'm telling you straight up that I have no time for that shit right now-!"

"N-Nothing like that!" His getting flustered restores the balance of the conversation somewhat. "It's about-Komaru's missing classmates."

I'm starting to get a really bad feeling about where this conversation is going.

"Seven of Komaru's classmates went missing during the beginning of the Incident. The only trace of them was-"

"Thirty-five fingers, mailed to the school, right?...She's told me all about it."

Makoto blinked, stunned. "She...talked to you about it?...That's good. When she wouldn't even tell me how she was feeling, I got a little worried."

In spite of myself, I felt a satisfied smirk tugging at my lips. "Oh, what's this? Are you all jealous that her trust in me is overshadowing her brother complex?"

"Not at all." Makoto looks completely nonplussed and infuriatingly cheerful as he goes on to say, "I'm just glad she has you."

...Shit.

"Wh-Whatever. Hurry up and tell me what you were gonna say before she wakes up."

"R-Right. So...the checkpoints you've both been visiting to hack the scrambling devices responsible for jamming the communication and energy sources in the city have had a tremendous impact on improving the inhabitants' quality of life. You've made things a lot easier for everyone."

"No kidding. Turns out people really appreciate having wifi and hot water."

"Yeah. And thanks to the files you recovered from Taichi Fujisaki's computer, Kyoko found a program he'd been working on that was meant to be uploaded to the mainframe of the Towa Hills network, where the main hub of the jamming device was located. It works as a sort of backdoor scanner that lists all the devices affected by the jamming signal: everything from computer systems to small portable devices, like cell phones, each with the records of their owners encrypted and compiled within the storage data of the device. As long as the device originated from within Towa City, there's information stored about it that we've been able to gain access to."

The bad feeling I was getting before starts feeling more and more like a ticking time bomb. It's a lot of information to take in, but I think I know where this is going.

"Don't tell me...You found the records of-"

"-Of all of her classmates that were abducted." Makoto's expression was grim. "They're together, too. Technically it could just be their phones and not... _them_ ," He visibly cringed, trying to put it delicately, "but...with the jammer in place it wouldn't have been necessary to take anybody's phones."

"Yeah. I really doubt they did. That sounds like exactly the kind of despair-inducing bullshit they'd enjoy-letting people keep their phones so they could try and fail to call for help..." I've been chewing my fingers to nubbins, and I taste raw skin along the side of my nail, but I can't help but be...furious, disgusted. "So then...y-you found where they are, didn't you? That's what you're getting at, right?"

"...Yes. The signals are coming from inside the Towa Hills' building's private kitchen."

"At least it's a building I know. Makes it easier to stay away from it."

Makoto sighs and I realize immediately that it's not gonna be that simple. I groan aloud, feeling my eyes rolling back into my head, because, _here it comes_ , almost certainly what will be the explanation of why there's no choice but to go back there and risk finding them.

"J-Just spit it out already. What's this absolutely damning reason that we need to go there?"

"According to the program's built-in topographical schematic of the building, the room connected to the one where the signals were traced to contains an emergency access point meant to re-fire the jamming system in the event that all of the scramblers go offline."

"...So in other words, we have no choice but to disable it sooner rather than later."

"...Yeah. Fortunately, the rooms are connected in such a way that you shouldn't even need to go into the room where the bodies may be. It's just a matter of..."

"...Making sure Komaru doesn't go in?"

Speak of the devil; she makes a noise from the bed and I nearly snap my neck looking back to make sure she's not awake. Thank god she isn't, because my reaction would've been a dead giveaway that we were talking about her. Makoto's shoulders tense up until I shake my head to let him know it's still safe to talk.

"I...know it's a lot to ask. And, hopefully, even if it comes to going in that room, it's been a while, so she might not...know who they are."

"'Hopefully they've rotted beyond recognition by now', you mean to say."

"I...hate to talk about her classmates like that. Especially Chieko, she...was Komaru's closest friend..."

My teeth clenched just a little. I remembered her telling me about Chieko. "Checko", she'd referred to her as, so affectionately.

 _...I'm not jealous. I'm..._

"But...for Komaru's sake..." Makoto's expression was pained and his gaze downcast. "I just...don't want her to get hurt. Ever since this all began, we've never really had a choice. So I guess just this once, while there's a chance-"

"Y-You don't have to yap so much. I get it, you know? I don't want Komaru to be hurt either." Right as the words are coming out of my mouth, I realize I'm being suspiciously forward about how I feel. But he only sighs with relief and smiles weakly.

"Touko, I...can't thank you enough. Really, I-"

"J-Just a second," I cut in, irritated, "I said I understand what you mean. But...I don't like hiding something like this. It doesn't feel-it's just-"

It bothers me.

It _really_ bothers me.

It reminds me of how I felt before, when I supported Komaru with impure motives. Lying by omission, saying things to her that I didn't mean-

"-She's not an idiot, Makoto. She knows me too well. And besides that, she's-she's not such a weakling anymore. You should have a little more faith than that."

Like a scolded child, he looked down, almost a little ashamed. "...You're right Touko. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-"

"It's fine. I get it." Silence. "Let me...let me think about it, okay?" The guilt in his eyes is a little too real for me to handle. "Just...keep it together and don't bawl like your sister does, one of you crying is already unbearable enough."

"Hey, are you guys talking about me?"

Komaru's voice pierces through me as she sits up in bed, and I feel the blood drain from my face.

"K-Komaru!" Makoto exclaims, way too obviously.

"Makoto! Is that you?" Komaru exclaims cheerfully and all but leaps out of bed, kicking herself free from the blankets and running over, leaning so close over my shoulder that our cheeks are touching.

The blood comes back to my face so quickly I feel dizzy.

Good thing Makoto's too flustered to notice.

"What's going on? You don't usually call unless it's an emergency..."

"Uh...y-yeah! Th-That's...true-"

 _...Does not being able to lie to save your life run in the family or something?_

"I-It's an emergency, all right. Your precious big bro couldn't go another moment without wanting to see you, so he called me to beg for pictures of your sleeping face!"

He might not like it or approve of it, but that's what he deserves for being so inept and putting me on the spot like this.

"Wh-What?! Makoto, that's not true, is it?" Komaru hit him with the full force of her pout, and I saw his resolve weaken.

 _Don't screw this up._

"S-Sorry, Komaru! I guess I'm caught red-handed. You're not too mad at me, are you...?"

Komaru folded her arms and turned away.

"I wouldn't worry about her. For someone who m-moans your name in her sleep all the time, any anger she feels is probably temporary so long as you promise to k-kiss her forehead to make it up to her-"

A pillow collides with the side of my face and I reel back.

"T-Touko! That's weird, stop it!"

"H-Hey! Don't blame me for your brother complex! I'm just calling it how I see it!" Her cheeks are burning up, and Makoto laughs. Just like that, all the tension from before seems entirely diffused. Rubbing my cheek, I turn back to him.

"A-Anyway...You mentioned something about an important access point in Towa Hills, r-right?" I try to keep my tone casual. "We'll check it out soon."

"Yeah. Thanks...thanks a lot, Touko."

"D-Don't make it weird. It's what we're here for, isn't it?"

"I'll leave it up to you then." He says seriously. "Take care of Komaru for me, okay?"

"Makotooo!" Komaru wails out.

" _Makotooo_!" I mimic her, rolling my eyes and dodging another swing of her pillow. "We'll take care of it."

He hangs up and I power off the device. It's just me and Komaru again. I can feel a certain...tension surrounding us that neither of us are brave enough to comment on. And frankly, I'm too anxious about the situation looming ahead to even be ready for what Komaru had planned on telling me, whatever it was going to be.

"So...what are we gonna take care of?"

...Might as well bite the bullet. Having a goal in sight is reassuring, at least.

It's just a matter of figuring out to do when we get there.

"We need to get to Towa Hills. I'll explain on the way."

...

It's a pretty long way to Towa Hills, but it still felt like it took us way less time than I thought it would to get there. Probably some combination of the fact that we know this city like the back of our hands, and that the effort we've put in to taking out the Monokumas has made travel a little easier.

But really, I just think it's mostly God taking a shit on me because I'm scared of what we'll find there.

Komaru's effort has done a pretty good job plowing us through. We're at the entrance to the building in record time.

"Hey, Touko?"

"Wh-What? Yeah?"

Komaru frowns. "Are you...feeling okay? You've been pretty quiet most of the way."

"Y-You know I suck at small talk. If you wanted a conversation you should've taken responsibility and started one." Komaru gets a funny look on her face. It's hard to describe, but it's almost like...she's relieved for me to be scolding her. "I-I mean, you've been pretty quiet too. Something on your mind?"

"Yeah, guess I should've said something earlier. I guess I was just caught up thinking about-stuff."

"Hmph. How specific."

"No, well-?" She taps her finger on her chin, deep in thought, "It's like, how do I say it, um..."

This...

...reminds me of something.

That time in the factory. Haiji had fucked off to who-knows-where for a second and we'd had a moment to talk-

 _"No, that's not what I was going for, though, gosh, what I want to say is I… I love you, Touko."_

The memory is flipping my stomach over; I could maybe honestly throw up _right now_ , if I'd actually eaten breakfast this morning. I can't think about it without feeling nauseous and I don't know why, but hearing those words in my head makes me feel like the world is upside down and I could fall into the stars.

"I guess, I'm just happy that I'm here with you. That...that you decided to stay with me. Even when stuff is quiet it's just...it means everything to me that we're doing this together."

My face feels warm again. I can't believe she'd choose here and now to tell me all this, it's hardly the ideal setting-

The air is dead, acrid and ashen with death and dust. There's no gentle, sweet-smelling breeze to tickle the ribbon on the front of her uniform or the pleats of her skirt. Perspiration plagues our skin and our clothes are stained and ratty. I can't help but hate Towa City for all its put us through, but this is...

This is how we met. In the heart of a war. This world is horrifying and ugly, but we found happiness and purpose here against all odds and held onto it with both hands for dear life. It feels almost...satisfyingly self-contained, in a way.

We don't have anything except each other, but she's thankful from the bottom of her heart. It's real.

Once again, I'm at a complete and utter loss for words. But when I think about what lies ahead, that sickening feeling comes back.

Suddenly, I'm not so sure how I want to handle it.

I realize that maybe, what I'm worried about isn't so much how _she_ will react to it.

"...Touko?"

She sounds far away, and I snap back to full attention.

"Are you okay...? Something's wrong, isn't it?" Her expression kind of makes me nervous.

"Hey, Komaru...You're happy right now, aren't you?"

"Um...yes? Like I was just saying-"

"How do you feel about...the past? Like...the things that were left unanswered and left behind. Loose ends that didn't and may never get resolved. Do you think you're the kind of person that can let those sorts of things go? Or would you look for the truth no matter what?"

"Huh...u-um...maybe? Maybe not?"

"Oh for fu-"

"I mean," Komaru adds quickly, "...thinking about it is kinda hard. The past is over with already. It's already hard enough trying to plan out what we're going to do in the future without worrying about stuff we can't change."

"What about...your friends? Did you wanna look for them or anything?"

Komaru's expression fell a little. "Well...believe me, I'd...love to believe they're out there alive and well somewhere. But I guess if we ever found out one way or the other...we'll just cross that bridge when we get to it. Like I said, I'm...really glad to have you, Touko. I feel like no matter what's ahead...it'll be okay for sure. Because you're here."

The responses she's giving are surprisingly wise. She really has changed. It's not surprising that she has, but rather-

It's a relief to see her growing, in a way I don't have to be afraid of. This is under her own power for sure this time.

 _...Right?_

"I'm glad too, Komaru."

Her mouth opens with surprise, and then she smiles in a way that can only be described as radiant. She's so easily pleased that it's a little embarrassing.

"Let's keep going then."

...

"You said it's in here, right? We just need to disable it so it doesn't make everything else come back online?"

She's pushing open the door to the kitchen and for a moment, I feel like it's going to be alright. That as long as I can keep it together for maybe another _minute_ we'll be in the clear.

"Yeah, should be. N-No time to waste. Let's get in and out quickly."

"Mmhm!"

We step inside and she flicks on the lights. It's obviously been a while since anyone has been in here. It takes a moment for our eyes to adjust.

I immediately fix my gaze on the door opposite where we entered, and feel my gut lurch as I realize-

-It's a _freezer_.

...No way. _No way_.

They're in there, and-

-they're not going to look much different from when they were put inside.

Komaru is fiddling innocently with the terminal mounted on the middle wall. She says something about how it can disengage the door locks throughout the entire building, and that it won't take more than a second with the hacking gun, but I hear her like my head is underwater.

 _Just do it. Just do it and we can go, just hurry, hurry-_

She gives it one good, true shot and the panels on the terminal and by the freezer door turn green.

"That should do it, but...isn't it kinda suspicious? I feel like it was too easy."

"D-Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. We should just go."

Komaru is staring at the wiring underneath the terminal. "Wait, Touko, look. It pipes all the way down here but it leads over...to..."

She's following it with her eyes and I'm following it with mine, and I see it looping under the freezer door. Everything feels like slow motion.

There's no other choice.

"H-Here, I'll take a look. Keep an eye on the terminal and let me know if anything changes."

"Huh...? Touko, are you sure?"

I open the door and get inside before coming up with an answer-

-because I only had one solitary thought in mind.

 _I need to keep Komaru out of here._

I can't help it.

When I see what I see-

There was no way I couldn't scream aloud. No way anyone wouldn't.

Seven girls in a row on the floor, skin blue and cold, dead beyond dead. Their hands-what remained of them, anyway-were extended in front of themselves, fingerless. Pain and agony is literally frozen onto each of their faces. It's dreadfully cold, and-

-by one of them, on the floor. Something has slid off near the mutilated hand, and I feel my chest heaving as I kneel down to pick it up. Several plastic beads looped onto a string bracelet turn over in my hands, with little letters printed onto them:

 _CHECKO._

"Touko! Are you okay-?!"

Komaru's voice brings me back down to earth-she's coming, she's going to see-

"DON'T LOOK!" I shout, and slam my hand over her eyes as she crosses the threshold into the room, and push her back out. But I saw her expression just before I managed to cover them up, and I know I'm too late. "You...You can't look, Komaru!"

She's supernaturally steady and doesn't move at all. Then, slowly, her mouth hangs open, a voice coming out that doesn't fit her quite right.

 _"Miss..."_

"K-Komaru-!" I let go of her; was it just me, or did she feel...

 _"Cold...I'm so terribly cold. Locked inside such an awful place and left to die..."_

The stilted way in which she was speaking, the way her eyes were rolled back-

 _She's...!_

Her body is shaking. Something's wrong, the last time she was possessed, she had been able to speak freely in between, but now, her body shuddered violently, as if exerting a great effort to continue without allowing Komaru a single word of her own.

 _"And you stole my bracelet too? That wasn't very nice. Komaru made that for me, you know."_

"I-I-I didn't steal it! I was just trying to find out who you were-!"

 _"Put it back."_

"H-Huh?!"

 _"Return what you took. And then I will return Komaru to you."_

Komaru's eyes flicker towards the back of her skull, and she's swaying on her feet like a zombie.

"Wh-Why are you doing this to her?! Just let go of her already!"

 _"Return what you took,"_ Komaru's voice intoned, _"and show me that you'll do this much for my beloved friend. Only then may I rest."_

I felt ill, but I sucked in a breath of rancid, cold air and knelt by Chieko's body.

I felt my heartbeat pounding behind my eyes, but I pried her frostbitten, brittle hand from the ground and slipped the bracelet over her wrist.

Bile rose in my throat as I stared into her glassy eyes, then at the stubs left behind for fingers.

 _I'm touching a dead body. I'm touching a dead body for Komaru._

I want to cover my mouth, but I can't, with these hands-my eyes water with the effort not to purge my stomach right there, and I stagger to my feet and face Komaru-Chieko-again outside the freezer. She takes my hands in hers-they're too cold to be hers, this is wrong, but-

-her arms loop around my waist and she slowly closes her eyes, her body sagging against mine until we're kneeling in a clumsy heap on the floor. She isn't moving and she feels cold-

"K-Komaru!" I shake her shoulders, and her chin droops to her chest. Sobbing, I reach down and raise it with my fingers, lightly slapping her cheek as I brace her against my shoulder, "Komaru, come on! S-Snap out of it!"

 _Why isn't she moving?!_

I do something potentially very stupid, because I can't imagine a more reasonable solution under this much pressure, or really anything reasonable or sensible at all, with Komaru completely unresponsive in my arms.

I yell out her name again and I hug her against me, slanting my lips against hers. It's a greedy, desperate thing to do, but it's all I can think to do, the only thing that makes sense to me right now-

Her eyes fly wide open and she takes a long, croaking, terrifyingly desperate breath from the space between our chins; she won't stop _shaking_ -

"T-Touko-!"

"Ko...maru-!" I hiccup over her name and crush her to me, sobbing like a damn _idiot_ but I don't care, _I don't care, she's awake, she's okay_ -

She's in hysterics, but conscious enough to sob relentlessly into my shoulder. I've never held anyone or been held this tightly in my life, but when I feel her heartbeat thundering inside her like this I feel like she could shatter into pieces if I held her any less.

Komaru shouts and cries a lot. She sobs Chieko's name over and over. She tells me how cold she was. And in between all of it, she howls my name. All I can do is cry and hold her tighter. I'm so awful at this and she needs someone better at this-

"Touko-" She gasps, hyperventilating, tears rolling down her cheeks as she looks up from my shoulder. Her voice sounds so fragile, but it tears my heart raw, like she'd caught it with just her fingers as she fell through the dark-

"-h... _help_ -"

Her lips press slowly into mine-

"- _let me_ -"

 _My voice trembles with anticipation to meet hers, to entwine-_

"Tou...ko-"

 _Her voice makes a spell out of my name with a single breath-_

-and I fall with her.


End file.
